Signs that Rey is traumatized?

A criticism of Rey that I see a lot is that she is just too good/nice for someone who has lived her life (I agree).  But I think there are some little clues (aside from her anger in the final fight with Kylo) that suggest she isn't all sunshine.  Has anyone else picked up on little things that suggest she isn't doing as well as she pretends/first appears?

In my opinion, all the counting marks could be the way Rey tried to denied the depressing truth that her family will never come back, in a way she is lying to herself and living in an illusion. And I think that her sunshine persona was the mask, if you will, for Rey to wears when she faces others to hides her loneliness. The meeting with Finn and Han give her a sense of loving and families which keeps her on "wearing the mask". Until she meet Kylo, who also a broken person like she was that Rey slowly drop the mask and accept. Maybe it could be one of the reason she angry at Kylo near the end, she saw part of her in Kylo and she's fighting not with a man but also her demon

Sylvia Snow wrote:In my opinion, all the counting marks could be the way Rey tried to denied the depressing truth that her family will never come back, in a way she is lying to herself and living in an illusion. And I think that her sunshine persona was the mask, if you will, for Rey to wears when she faces others to hides her loneliness. The meeting with Finn and Han give her a sense of loving and families which keeps her on "wearing the mask". Until she meet Kylo, who also a broken person like she was that Rey slowly drop the mask and accept. Maybe it could be one of the reason she angry at Kylo near the end, she saw part of her in Kylo and she's fighting not with a man but also her demon

@Sylvia Snow

Oh this is so insightful!! I think you're right. I think the happiness is a mask. She like the other two is wearing a mask at the beginning of the movie ... but we are never given a real sense that she is hiding something ... unless her reaction to Kylo seeing her loneliness is actually part of her unmasking ... as would be the cliffside "finding the force" moment where she seemed to let go for a moment. Both times he saw her vulnerable ... as who she really is ... and both times she punished him viciously for it. Mental in the interrogation in that the Darth Vader remark cut him to the bone. And then in the Snow Fight ... where she damn near did cut him to the bone when she sliced his face.

These are both overreactions that a so-called "normal" person would not have. A "normal" person would not fight him so easily. But she's good at fighting. She got BB8 off that surly alien. She got cracked in the face by those thugs and then kicked serious a**, and then she took down Finn like a growling enforcer from a street gang. All overreactions ... kind of like Kylo ... he has the dark side fueling him though ... does she as well?

Think of her reaction when she was eating dinner at her AT AT and heard a weird noise.  She kind of freaked out, jumped up, grabbed her staff, ready to fight immediately (and then found BB8).  when she first jumped up and went for her staff, she acted scared, and it made me imagine that she lives with a low grade fear for her own safety probably most of the time.  Disney likely won't show this, but there is no way she grew up alone on that planet without having other people/aliens mess with her repeatedly.  I think her extreme reaction when she hears that BB8 noise indicates she's got some trauma going on.

Slade wrote:Think of her reaction when she was eating dinner at her AT AT and heard a weird noise.  She kind of freaked out, jumped up, grabbed her staff, ready to fight immediately (and then found BB8).  when she first jumped up and went for her staff, she acted scared, and it made me imagine that she lives with a low grade fear for her own safety probably most of the time.  Disney likely won't show this, but there is no way she grew up alone on that planet without having other people/aliens mess with her repeatedly.  I think her extreme reaction when she hears that BB8 noise indicates she's got some trauma going on.

@Slade

I mean it's stated that the reason Rey collect desert flowers was to remind her about the beauty of life that in hardship, life can still thrives. I think in a sense that action is her hope, like she needs to be constantly remind that not to break down or trying to be as "human" as possible. Because she spend her childhood growing up in a place such as Jakku, it's lucky that she did not turn out to be some ruthless killer or somethings but I think this is what she afraid to become and desperately hiding her darker side. In the books, she almost agreed to sold BB8 for her own leisure before she snapped back into the righteous Rey, this maybe a manifestation of this darker side from time to time, maybe even before the event in TFA and we're witnessing one of the episode when it happens. Rey constantly facing her inner demon which she always ignore and moving on until she was force to face the problem

I recommend reading Before the Awakening if you're interested in is guns pointing towards Rey being traumatized.The novel really shows how hard her life's been(because sometimes while I was watching I couldn't get that because Rey wasn't really behaving in a way that would be accurate to someone being abandoned to raise himself in sand)and even alludes to her having killed people to survive.It really paints her in a much more three dimensional way than TFA does.

"Rey finished one bottle of water and half of another,guarding her thirst,because she didn't know how long it would be until she'd be able to get into Niima for more.She was out of food by by the second day, and by the time the storm was over her headache was so intense she was lightheaded and had to go slowly when she moved around her little home."

"Rey had traded a generator a couple of years ago, so she had power when she needed it,mostly for the work-breach where she would take apart reassemble and, more often than not,rebuild from scratch those pieces of unstable junk she recovered. Unkar aways payed more for things that still worked."

"She sat on the pile of remaining blankets and rested her head against the back of the hull, listening to the storm beat furiously against her home.She closed her eyes, feeling, for the first time in a very long time,very much alone."

"On the wreckage of a Zephra-series hauler,she'd once found a trash of data chips;on of them ,to her delight, had been a flight stimulator. So when she she wasn't sleeping or just sitting and listening to the storm or tinkering at her work bench,she flew.At first she'd been truly horrible at it, quite literally crashing a few seconds after takeoff every time.With nothing else to do, and with a perverse sense of determination that she would not allow herself to be beaten by a machine that she herself had put together with her own hands,she learned."

"As she rode, she could see small groups of scavengers working new wrecks. A lot of people worked in teams, figuring they could cover more ground that way. Rey worked alone and aways had. It was easier when she was alone; there were fewer complications, fewer things to worry about.The only person she had to trust was herself."

"Rey's biggest fear was that she would find a body or, worse,bodies,whatever remained of the unfortunate crew.So she was cautious ,not because she was squeamish but because she didn't want to be surprised by a corpse."

"She wanted to see the expressions on everyone's faces as she came down the ramp and they saw it was her,Rey,who had flown that prize home.She wanted to see Unkar's big eyes open wide and his face puff up in surprise, to hear him stammer as h made offer after offer for the ship,her ship,before she agreed.Five hundred portions? Try five thousand portions,Unkar.Try five thousand portions and a new speeder, a new set of tools, a spare generator,and the first puck of salvage that comes in for,say,the next two-no,four,no five-years.She wanted that very much."

"The sense of accomplishment was profound. She had found a spacecraft that had lain in the sand for years-decades,even-and nursed if back to health.She had ,with her hands and her smarts,taken it into the air once more.That was something to be proud of,though pride itself was a new feeling for her and she didn't know what to do with it."

"She didn't trust Devi or Strunk,either of them alone and certainly not together.She should trust them.She wanted to trust them.But Rey couldn't.They would betray her.Try to trick her.Try to steal the prize,cut her out of the sale.As much as she wanted to believe otherwise,she was certain that Devi and Strunk would turn on her,and soon.''

"She wasn't afraid of violence.She didn't enjoy it,but she wasn't afraid of it.It was a necessary part of surviving on Jakku.She'd learned to defend herself early.She had been in more fights than she could remember.More wins than losses,thankfully.She was good enough that the word had spread in Niima to stay clear of her and heat she could do with her staff.She could fight.She would fight,if necessary.If it came to a fight,Rey would go for Devi first.Then she'd deal with Strunk.She wasn't looking forward to it."

"She knew she should be angry,but she wasn't.It took until that night,until she was sitting on her blankets,punching the lanes out of a battered Stormtrooper helmet,for her to understand why.It had aways been an issue of trust,but never with Devi and Strunk.It had been about trusting herself.Devi and Strunk had wanted the one thing that Rey absolutely hadn't;they'd even told her right from the start.But she hadn't listened. She hadn't heard them,because it was the one thing Rey never allowed herself to consider.They wanted to leave.But Ret had to stay. At least until they came back for her.If she left,her parents would have no way of finding her."

"She shifted over the workbench,switched the computer on,and loaded her flight simulator.Rey flew.It wasn't the same."

@CienaRee how sad, poor girl

I agree with all the responses so far.

I also noticed that she wears her hair in the exact same style as what she had when she was originally 'abandoned' on Jakku. That may not be a clear sign of trauma necessarily, but it does indicate to me that not only is she hoping that her parents will recognise her when they return, she is also kind of 'stuck' in that frame of mind that she had as a child to a certain extent and clinging to the past. I'm no psychologist but I believe that is a coping mechanism with trauma.

In the Episode 8 forum we've discussed the possibility of her changing her hairstyle in the next film as a sign that she's let go of the past (and the trauma that she suffered) and is starting to move on with her life.

It's minor, but the food references in the early parts of the movie. Working her a** off in dangerous conditions to only get 1/4 portion, the few drops she bangs out of her water bottle, licking her plate for, almost giving in to the bribe of 60 portions for BB-8 (and resisting b/c she sees in herself in his situation of being abandoned/waiting), and the only person eating at Maz's place. Food and water are metaphors for human contact/belonging/love, but Plutt has straight up kept her on the verge of starvation as a means of control. Can't remember where I read it, but there was a comment that he was truly the most evil character in all of the movies for being the most straightforward, true to life capitalist of manipulating supply and demand (if he can throw out 60 portions, only giving out 1/4 is totally a method of control) to maintain power over that community. Hell, Niima Outpost is straight up the most Dickensian element of that movie in being like a workhouse. Rey's got more than a few things in common with Dickens heroines like Little Dorrit or Lizzie Hexam.

@snufkin OT, sort of, because this is a description of Kylo from the junior novelization when Han tells him to take his mask off

"Ben had the wavy dark hair that Han remembered, now shoulder length. His mother’s cheeks. Han’s chin. Yet everything about him was narrow and stark, as if he had starved himself of nourishment. And his eyes were not the dark brown eyes Han remembered. They were dim and dark and terribly sad."

So I'd say your food and water metaphor is spot on and could be a parallel between them, emphasizing how they are both starved of connection with others.

@BastilaBey, screw ultimate power and ruling the galaxy together, get those kids to brunch (Cafe Flora was my favorite in Seattle) stat. Yeah, I don't think you see the same parallels with Poe or Finn when it comes to food/water. Those two need serious nourishment, both physical and emotional. And Plutt and Snoke have starved both of them as a means of control.

I was watching a documentary on the Lost Boys of Sudan, and they reminded me of Rey, at a very young age 7,8 & 9 some of them had seen their parents and whole villages murdered, then had to walk 1,000 miles from South Sudan to Kenya, hungry & thirsty. Many perished along the way, starved or eaten by wild animals, yet the ones that survived seem hopeful, one young man talked about how he believed the whole time he would once again see his family if he could just survive. Some of them dream of their parents at night and obviously are traumatized but the fight for survival when it kicks in it overrides or supersedes many emotions. You just don't have "time" to think and contemplate or dwell on your loss... Some of them appear truly to be "Rey Cinnamonrollish" and you heart just roots for them...

For me Rey's daydreams ( intrusive thoughts/post traumatic stress) and nightmares are her suppressed emotions trying to bubble to the surface, I would expect if she ever had a full meal, vacation, and no enemy to fight she would actually get time to reflect on what she had been through as a child.

snufkin wrote:@BastilaBey, screw ultimate power and ruling the galaxy together, get those kids to brunch (Cafe Flora was my favorite in Seattle) stat. Yeah, I don't think you see the same parallels with Poe or Finn when it comes to food/water. Those two need serious nourishment, both physical and emotional. And Plutt and Snoke have starved both of them as a means of control.

@snufkin

OT: Cafe Flora is still one of the popular brunch places, and it's still fantastic.

spacebaby45678 wrote:I was watching a documentary on the Lost Boys of Sudan, and they reminded me of Rey, at a very young age 7,8 & 9 some of them had seen their parents and whole villages murdered, then had to walk 1,000 miles from South Sudan to Kenya, hungry & thirsty. Many perished along the way, starved or eaten by wild animals, yet the ones that survived seem hopeful, one young man talked about how he believed the whole time he would once again see his family if he could just survive. Some of them dream of their parents at night and obviously are traumatized but the fight for survival when it kicks in it overrides or supersedes many emotions. You just don't have "time" to think and contemplate or dwell on your loss... Some of them appear truly to be "Rey Cinnamonrollish" and you heart just roots for them...

For me Rey's daydreams ( intrusive thoughts/post traumatic stress) and nightmares are her suppressed emotions trying to bubble to the surface, I would expect if she ever had a full meal, vacation, and no enemy to fight she would actually get time to reflect on what she had been through as a child.

@spacebaby45678

Additionally, some of the Lost Boys suffer from memory loss... Which I think Rey has.

spacebaby45678 wrote:I was watching a documentary on the Lost Boys of Sudan, and they reminded me of Rey, at a very young age 7,8 & 9 some of them had seen their parents and whole villages murdered, then had to walk 1,000 miles from South Sudan to Kenya, hungry & thirsty.  Many perished along the way, starved or eaten by wild animals, yet the ones that survived seem hopeful, one young man talked about how he believed the whole time he would once again see his family if he could just survive. Some of them dream of their parents at night and obviously are traumatized but the fight for survival when it kicks in it overrides or supersedes many emotions. You just don't have "time" to think and contemplate or dwell on your loss... Some of them appear truly to be "Rey Cinnamonrollish" and you heart just roots for them...

For me Rey's daydreams ( intrusive thoughts/post traumatic stress) and nightmares are her suppressed emotions trying to bubble to the surface, I would expect if she ever had a full meal, vacation, and no enemy to fight she would actually get time to reflect on what she had been through as a child.

@spacebaby45678

This actually makes perfect sense.  You either keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if that means being in denial or even delusional, because if you don't you die.  The cinnamon roll aspect of those kids would make sense as an innate survival mechanism.  Though I wonder how they would be if they were in the same state 10 years later.  Would they be infantilized and still unrealistically happy, or would something else more bitter have come in?  

But regardless, when you just need to live, you don't have time to think of anything besides food and shelter and keeping yourself free from harm.  And happy dreams can keep you going in that state.  But it's when things calm down, when things get better and quieter ... you are so right, that's when all the "what the h*** has happened to me" things start hitting you in the face.  If they allow this to happen with Rey, particularly with her training with Luke, where she can call BS on some of his "no attachment" teachings, that would be incredible.

spacebaby45678 wrote:I was watching a documentary on the Lost Boys of Sudan, and they reminded me of Rey, at a very young age 7,8 & 9 some of them had seen their parents and whole villages murdered, then had to walk 1,000 miles from South Sudan to Kenya, hungry & thirsty. Many perished along the way, starved or eaten by wild animals, yet the ones that survived seem hopeful, one young man talked about how he believed the whole time he would once again see his family if he could just survive. Some of them dream of their parents at night and obviously are traumatized but the fight for survival when it kicks in it overrides or supersedes many emotions. You just don't have "time" to think and contemplate or dwell on your loss... Some of them appear truly to be "Rey Cinnamonrollish" and you heart just roots for them...

For me Rey's daydreams ( intrusive thoughts/post traumatic stress) and nightmares are her suppressed emotions trying to bubble to the surface, I would expect if she ever had a full meal, vacation, and no enemy to fight she would actually get time to reflect on what she had been through as a child.

@spacebaby45678

Yeah this is maybe why I'm less skeptical than others about Rey's characterization because there are enough orphans in my family tree that her behavior strikes me as pretty typical. You need to be tough for sure to survive harsh circumstances, but it also it also takes hopefulness and optimism. One of my grandmothers had a childhood that was straight out of Dickens and it's pretty clear from anecdotes how much her kids and grandchildren adored her sweet natured personality. Some of the stories I've heard would've left me personally a much more bitter and angry personality than what I've been told about her.

@ISeeAnIsland - the only vegan restaurant that my meat and potato parents ever willingly would eat at. Actually they probably ate at least one meal a day there during the times they'd come to Seattle when I lived there. Also super cute waiters, amirite?

spacebaby45678 wrote:

spacebaby45678 wrote:I was watching a documentary on the Lost Boys of Sudan, and they reminded me of Rey, at a very young age 7,8 & 9 some of them had seen their parents and whole villages murdered, then had to walk 1,000 miles from South Sudan to Kenya, hungry & thirsty.  Many perished along the way, starved or eaten by wild animals, yet the ones that survived seem hopeful, one young man talked about how he believed the whole time he would once again see his family if he could just survive. Some of them dream of their parents at night and obviously are traumatized but the fight for survival when it kicks in it overrides or supersedes many emotions. You just don't have "time" to think and contemplate or dwell on your loss... Some of them appear truly to be "Rey Cinnamonrollish" and you heart just roots for them...

For me Rey's daydreams ( intrusive thoughts/post traumatic stress) and nightmares are her suppressed emotions trying to bubble to the surface, I would expect if she ever had a full meal, vacation, and no enemy to fight she would actually get time to reflect on what she had been through as a child.

@spacebaby45678

Additionally, some of the Lost Boys suffer from memory loss... Which I think Rey has.

@spacebaby45678

That makes sense.  Trauma and extreme stress cause memory loss ... sometimes even "First world" stress can cause memory loss.  It would make sense.  Your brain is flooded with all kinds of stress hormones.  Your neuron processing is not going to work at its best under those circumstances.

SoloSideCousin wrote:

spacebaby45678 wrote:I was watching a documentary on the Lost Boys of Sudan, and they reminded me of Rey, at a very young age 7,8 & 9 some of them had seen their parents and whole villages murdered, then had to walk 1,000 miles from South Sudan to Kenya, hungry & thirsty.  Many perished along the way, starved or eaten by wild animals, yet the ones that survived seem hopeful, one young man talked about how he believed the whole time he would once again see his family if he could just survive. Some of them dream of their parents at night and obviously are traumatized but the fight for survival when it kicks in it overrides or supersedes many emotions. You just don't have "time" to think and contemplate or dwell on your loss... Some of them appear truly to be "Rey Cinnamonrollish" and you heart just roots for them...

For me Rey's daydreams ( intrusive thoughts/post traumatic stress) and nightmares are her suppressed emotions trying to bubble to the surface, I would expect if she ever had a full meal, vacation, and no enemy to fight she would actually get time to reflect on what she had been through as a child.

@spacebaby45678

This actually makes perfect sense.  You either keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if that means being in denial or even delusional, because if you don't you die.  The cinnamon roll aspect of those kids would make sense as an innate survival mechanism.  Though I wonder how they would be if they were in the same state 10 years later.  Would they be infantilized and still unrealistically happy, or would something else more bitter have come in?  

But regardless, when you just need to live, you don't have time to think of anything besides food and shelter and keeping yourself free from harm.  And happy dreams can keep you going in that state.  But it's when things calm down, when things get better and quieter ... you are so right, that's when all the "what the h*** has happened to me" things start hitting you in the face.  If they allow this to happen with Rey, particularly with her training with Luke, where she can call BS on some of his "no attachment" teachings, that would be incredible.

@SoloSideCousin

This is one of my greatest hopes for VIII. Rey had her entire crappy life turned upsidedown overnight in TFA. Having some quiet time alone with Luke on Ahch-To is certainly going to give her lots of opportunity for both her past and the changes in her life to really hit her. I really hope that they don't gloss over that.

@Iseeanisland I think that's the direction RJ is going to go in, it's Rey finally out of survival mode and able to process what's happened to her since leaving Jakku. I also think that while we saw Kylo empathizing with her loneliness in VII, she'll start to learn more about his and feel something similar in return. There'll be an element of 'we're not so different, after all'.

Also as a veggie, Cafe Flora is one of my fave spots too. I have their cookbook and everything I've attempted from it has actually been decent, if a little fiddly to make. Their portobello wellington is sooo good.

snufkin wrote:@BastilaBey, screw ultimate power and ruling the galaxy together, get those kids to brunch (Cafe Flora was my favorite in Seattle) stat.  Yeah, I don't think you see the same parallels with Poe or Finn when it comes to food/water. Those two need serious nourishment, both physical and emotional. And Plutt and Snoke have starved both of them as a means of control.

@snufkin

The novel says "as if" regarding Kylo's weight.  Do you guys think Snoke somehow controlled Kylo's food, or was Kylo doing it to himself, or is it just a way of describing a lanky person?

Because of the way he hit his bowcaster injury, I head canon that Kylo is a self-injurer in other ways.

Slade wrote:

snufkin wrote:@BastilaBey, screw ultimate power and ruling the galaxy together, get those kids to brunch (Cafe Flora was my favorite in Seattle) stat.  Yeah, I don't think you see the same parallels with Poe or Finn when it comes to food/water. Those two need serious nourishment, both physical and emotional. And Plutt and Snoke have starved both of them as a means of control.

@snufkin

The novel says "as if" regarding Kylo's weight.  Do you guys think Snoke somehow controlled Kylo's food, or was Kylo doing it to himself, or is it just a way of describing a lanky person?

Because of the way he hit his nowcaster injury, I head canon that Kylo is a self-injurer in other ways.

@Slade

My bet is that he didn't eat that much, and my first thought on that would be that he is too sickened or upset to eat. When people are going through something terrible like a loss or a trauma or chronic stress, people tend to have appetite problems. A lot people overeat with serious stress, but often times with that "life or death" level of stress your appetite is just gone. The thought of food makes you sick. He strikes me as someone who would basically be in a state of "life or death" extreme stress at all times, because he really does not seem to want to be where he is, but he thinks he has to be. I think he would have to remind himself to eat so he wouldn't get too weak, but he won't eat anymore than is absolutely necessary because he just can't stomach it. I think it could be indirectly self-injury because part of the reason he is so upset is that a huge part of him hates himself.

SoloSideCousin wrote:

Slade wrote:

snufkin wrote:@BastilaBey, screw ultimate power and ruling the galaxy together, get those kids to brunch (Cafe Flora was my favorite in Seattle) stat.  Yeah, I don't think you see the same parallels with Poe or Finn when it comes to food/water. Those two need serious nourishment, both physical and emotional. And Plutt and Snoke have starved both of them as a means of control.

@snufkin

The novel says "as if" regarding Kylo's weight.  Do you guys think Snoke somehow controlled Kylo's food, or was Kylo doing it to himself, or is it just a way of describing a lanky person?

Because of the way he hit his nowcaster injury, I head canon that Kylo is a self-injurer in other ways.

@Slade

My bet is that he didn't eat that much, and my first thought on that would be that he is too sickened or upset to eat.  When people are going through something terrible like a loss or a trauma or chronic stress, people tend to have appetite problems. A lot people overeat with serious stress, but often times with that "life or death" level of stress your appetite is just gone.  The thought of food makes you sick.  He strikes me as someone who would basically be in a state of "life or death" extreme stress at all times, because he really does not seem to want to be where he is, but he thinks he has to be.  I think he would have to remind himself to eat so he wouldn't get too weak, but he won't eat anymore than is absolutely necessary because he just can't stomach it. I think it could be indirectly self-injury because part of the reason he is so upset is that a huge part of him hates himself.

The comments about the junior novel was enough to use my Amazon e-book lawsuit credit and Rey's first impression of him is "He looked like a student who took no joy in his studies. One who perceived only the great problems of the galaxy and not its simple pleasures”. Probably equal parts stress of the situation he's in, self loathing/discipline, and whatever ascetic monk brainwashing Snoke's done on him. Put it this way, he's not hanging out in the mess hall with Hux et all on Taco Tuesdays or trying to latest Farm to Fork pop-up of whatever planet Snoke's dispatched him to wreck havoc on. Hopefully there will a beer can chicken subplot so both of those kids can get a decent amount of protein in their systems.

Ok, what is beer can chicken?  Yeah, I have the junior novelization, and all the description of Kylo makes him sound seriously, clinically depressed.  (I want to take him home, drop him on the sofa with a cat and blanket, bring him food, and pet him).

Lol, I am imagining Kylo and Rey at one of these insane, gross all-u-can-eat American restaurants just going at it, piling their plates with stuff like scrambled eggs, spaghetti, chicken fingers, grits, jello, and lima beans (all at once).  Gag.

Slade wrote:Ok, what is beer can chicken?  Yeah, I have the junior novelization, and all the description of Kylo makes him sound seriously, clinically depressed.  (I want to take him home, drop him on the sofa with a cat and blanket, bring him food, and pet him).

Lol, I am imagining Kylo and Rey at one of these insane, gross all-u-can-eat American restaurants just going at it, piling their plates with stuff like scrambled eggs, spaghetti, chicken fingers, grits, jello, and lima beans (all at once).  Gag.

@Slade

One of the potential rumors is that there's a monster on Ache-to. Having to fight off giant monsters is something that's happened to the main heroes in each trilogy so far. Potential bonding moment. Personally it looks like a giant beer can chicken.

Rey probably can't even eat real food, her body might not be able to digest it. There's absolutely no way they can continue to gloss over the incredible hardship of her childhood as she grows up - to move forward she has to reflect.

I mean just imagine what doing this everyday would do to your psyche, your sense of self, of worth, everything.