The "Crack" Spoiler Discussion Thread

[IoJovi]

@snufkin I'm watching this video now.  I have no words for some of these people!!!  I'm cracking up at the woman who asked for a divorce from her newly wed husband on the tv because she saw that first image of Elvis on tv, and realized her husband no longer measured up...

And some people think our Kylo obsession is bad... I have just a couple of figurines and some posters on my office wall, dammit!!!

[snufkin]

@IoJovi - OMG, yes that lady! I've been to a couple Dolly shows and the only people you ever get dressing up like her are the drag queens, so it's a much saner/chill group of fans to be around.

[Rei of Sunshine]

Haven't really kept track of all these so called leaks, but there are quite some interesting details. Either it is legit or these guys have awesome imaginations.

This is the 2nd time I've read about Finn's brain getting downloaded. Interesting, and very sci-fi-ish... I have a feeling this is real, and could be a sort of like a comparative scene to TFA interrogation where Kylo tries to get the map from Rey. Like y'know, Force doesn't work? Download it. lol. Also, gives Finn the motivation to do his mission and save the Resistance and do right by them. It gives his character that much needed conflict.

That bit about Rey regretting to kill the monster because of the cub sounds pretty cool. That's basically like a meta scene for the whole feel of the ST. It could be how she realizes that not all she thinks are 'monsters' are evil. It could be a reflection of her own abandonment. Or, sorta reaching here, but could be a reverse reflection of Kylo and Leia, that if she kills the monster that is Kylo, Leia will grieve. It could also be a perfect illustration to audiences that Rey is not the sweet cinnamon roll that everyone makes her out to be. She makes mistakes, and she can kill.

I think I've heard Chewie getting his arm cut off before, but I really hope it isn't true. Chewie doesn't deserve it. Phasma does. However, if they do maim Chewie, it could be a sort of defiance against the usual 'not the dog' mentality of people when watching movies, meaning RJ isn't afraid to do things differently. Tho I still don't want it for Chewie.

[nite0wl29]

I'm pretty sure the spoilers are getting more ridiculous as we get closer to movie day. For now I'm going with my head canon which is what we've been fed by the actors themselves. I predict something totally unexpected will happen to Kylo which will make fans happy with his character (hehe) and that him and Rey share an intertwined destiny. There, spread the word guys! Lol

[Guest]

If anything, I could see the sea monster being one of a mating pair, as we've already seen a book illustration of 2 sea monsters together. MSW spoke some time ago about there being a nest of porglets (disgusting looking with no feathers - their words). If Rey is going to take on caring for some animals on Ahch-To or reuniting them with their mummy and daddy, I would think it would be the porglets.

I bet any of us could cobble together a decent narrative for The Last Jedi out of known spoilers and rumours and post it on Reddit etc. If I had the time, I would give it a go. It looks like MSW have exhausted their haul of merchandise related spoilers because they haven't dropped anything significant for ages. There are some interest tidbits but the explosive plot points have been better guarded this time around.

[vaderito]

Wait, Sloth Anakin guy posted the "Rey kills Bambi's mom" spoiler? How does that work? Sloth Anakin isn't Bambi's mom.

[IoJovi]

If anything, I could see the sea monster being one of a mating pair, as we've already seen a book illustration of 2 sea monsters together. MSW spoke some time ago about there being a nest of porglets (disgusting looking with no feathers - their words). If Rey is going to take on caring for some animals on Ahch-To or reuniting them with their mummy and daddy, I would think it would be the porglets.

I bet any of us could cobble together a decent narrative for The Last Jedi out of known spoilers and rumours and post it on Reddit etc. If I had the time, I would give it a go. It looks like MSW have exhausted their haul of merchandise related spoilers because they haven't dropped anything significant for ages. There are some interest tidbits but the explosive plot points have been better guarded this time around.

@Mrs Ben Solo

Don't tempt me, I just might do it...   I could drop one tomorrow under a different handle and nobody here would be any more the wiser it was me...  Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it from this angle, I can see why it might be fun for a person to create a fake spoiler.  You drop the bomb on reddit or 4chan, and then you get all sorts of questions where you just make up the answers as you go.  I can see why it would be entertaining...

[ISeeAnIsland]

Wait, Sloth Anakin guy posted the "Rey kills Bambi's mom" spoiler? How does that work? Sloth Anakin isn't Bambi's mom.

@vaderito

Doh. You're right. I got the Rey-killing-the-sea-monster "leak" confused with Kylo-killing-the-sea-monster-but-it's-really-Sloth-Anakin "leak".

Sorry about the confusion.

[SoloSideCousin]

Another day, another 4Chan leak.

Apparently this guy has a marketing connection. He says that there is no Reylo, but then he says that they are two halves of the force and that their destinies were connected for a long time.  Kylo is only "wavering", yet he does meet his mother on the Resistance ship. Luke thinks he's lost his connection to the force, but is almost his old self at the end. Rey is basically a Jedi at the end (Daisy says different). Snoke is a parasite on a Kylo, but is really all about taking out Luke (something like purging the Skywalkers, need to re-read). I can't remember anything else except he admits that he only saw 20% of the movie, and basically that should be enough because marketers had to know what they could or could not do. (Of course, there is no mention of the second wave, post-movie wave of merchandising). However, it's listed under TLJSpoils. I feel like I have seen that name before, unless it's just a general 4Chan thing.

http://boards.4chan.org/tv/thread/88424951/i-worked-in-marketing-for-tlj-i-know-some-details

@SoloSideCousin

Whoa, whoa, let me get this straight. This guy claims to have seen only 20% of the movie but is 100% sure about everything? No "I haven't seen any scene like that in what was shown to us which doesn't mean it isn't in the other 80% of the movie" caveat?

And, yes, TLJSpoils is the name of another 4chan leaker or it's the same one but forgot that he posted before, lol:

TLJSpoils

Alright [censored] screenshot this post.

Finn has a mission to dig up info on Snoke. He's talking to rich assholes talking up the power and fear the leader of the First Order has totally unbeknownst to Finn and audience these guys are talking about Luke, not Snoke.

Blah blah B story blah blah Finn unwillingly betrays the Resistance by having his brain freakin downloaded.

Luke is straight up evil. No gray. No "he sees chaos as balance" bullshit. He's straight up fallen to the dark side. He's addicted to the power of the dark side and has been manipulating the events of everything since ROTJ

The Knights of Ren were his creation.

Kylo turns to the light when he realizes he's been played.

Kylo and Rey fall in love.

Rey is Emperor Palpatine's granddaughter

Luke reveals a red lightsaber after literally calling lightning down from the sky in a rain storm.

The ghosts of Obi Wan, Yoda, and Anakin have been trying to warn Rey she's in danger since she arrived. She only hears them right before the big reveal.

That's all from me folks. See you in December!

TLJ is weird because it includes several shots captured with high speed cameras (slow motion for the laymen) and because the film is a whimsical adventure (save for Rose's sister' death) during the first half but abruptly turns dark with themes of a horror movie as soon as Rey kills the monster and regrets it.

She kills it you idiot. She kills it and feels triumphant for about three seconds until its cubs mourn the loss of their mother. It's analogous to how Luke kills her parents and and then discovers they had a small daughter.

Lol the people Luke kills aren't the Knights of Ren. Y'all been kept in the dark

And this **** is wrong again. DJ is rotting away in a prison cell and Finn's mission to find out more about Snoke leads him to busting this degenerate out.

That's a f****ing hint y'all.

Chewie loses arm

@vaderito

This one was also known as the Sloth Anakin leak!

@ISeeAnIsland

I love the "Rey and Kylo fall in love" tidbit as much as anyone here, but that entire thing reads of nothing but wish fulfillment.  I also didn't realize the Sloth!Anakin leak came from the same person who INSISTED Luke was the straight up villain.  So yeah, there is that...

I still think it's obvious Luke at this point isn't going to be the same Luke everyone remembers at the end of RotJ, but straight up evil?  I think there's only one character in this entire trilogy who is getting a redemption arc, and it sure as heck ain't Luke! 

Still, the entire theme surrounding the new trilogy and the supporting canon novels is greyness - nothing is black and white anymore.  I do think Luke was partially responsible for Ben's fall, but it's not something he set to intentionally make happen.  I think Luke thinks of himself as a danger to everyone around him, hence why he exiled himself, and he shoulders the pain of having that responsibility.

Not only is Rey going to be the catalyst for Ben's redemption (him being temped by her light among *ahem*, other things), but I think she is going to help heal the rift between Ben and Luke, judging by the teaser poster from SWC.

@IoJovi

I actually don't think that this was the Sloth Anakin guy. This guy was aggressive and very DarkLuke. I remember him because I like the DarkLuke option.  

Sloth Anakin was a gentler guy and his whole thing was bizarre. IMO, they are not the same people.

[vaderito]

yeah, they are not the same people but Sloth Anakin idea is the best ever. I so want it to be true but I know that Bambi's Mom scenario is more likely. After all, the guy mentioned those cubs when it was believed that there was only 1 sea monster (color books later revealed there were more).

[Tex]

Don't tempt me, I just might do it... Laughing  I could drop one tomorrow under a different handle and nobody here would be any more the wiser it was me...  Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it from this angle, I can see why it might be fun for a person to create a fake spoiler.  You drop the bomb on reddit or 4chan, and then you get all sorts of questions where you just make up the answers as you go.  I can see why it would be entertaining...

If a new spoiler leaks out tomorrow I guess we'll all know who posted it

Do me a favor and make it extra reylo-centric. I'm at that point where I like reading all the upset comments. I know that's wrong, but I find it hilarious.

[vaderito]

One of my all time favorite fake leaks was the guy who saw the movie and knew everything except new character names. So he called them KMT, BdT and Laura.

[SoloSideCousin]

Don't tempt me, I just might do it... Laughing  I could drop one tomorrow under a different handle and nobody here would be any more the wiser it was me...  Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it from this angle, I can see why it might be fun for a person to create a fake spoiler.  You drop the bomb on reddit or 4chan, and then you get all sorts of questions where you just make up the answers as you go.  I can see why it would be entertaining...

If a new spoiler leaks out tomorrow I guess we'll all know who posted it

Do me a favor and make it extra reylo-centric. I'm at that point where I like reading all the upset comments. I know that's wrong, but I find it hilarious.

@Tex

Yeah, it's like a "I couldn't look away" kind of thing, lol. And honestly, I think I'm a little addicted to the crack spoilers right now, lol. There is nothing else going on and it's fun to see all the different versions and try to pick out what my be real or at least appreciate the imagination of the poster.

[nite0wl29]

Don't tempt me, I just might do it... Laughing  I could drop one tomorrow under a different handle and nobody here would be any more the wiser it was me...  Honestly, now that I'm thinking about it from this angle, I can see why it might be fun for a person to create a fake spoiler.  You drop the bomb on reddit or 4chan, and then you get all sorts of questions where you just make up the answers as you go.  I can see why it would be entertaining...

If a new spoiler leaks out tomorrow I guess we'll all know who posted it

Do me a favor and make it extra reylo-centric. I'm at that point where I like reading all the upset comments. I know that's wrong, but I find it hilarious.

@Tex

Yeah, it's like a "I couldn't look away" kind of thing, lol. And honestly, I think I'm a little addicted to the crack spoilers right now, lol. There is nothing else going on and it's fun to see all the different versions and try to pick out what my be real or at least appreciate the imagination of the poster.

@SoloSideCousin

I say once the movie is out, someone needs to compile the crack spoilers and make a fan fic if there isn't one already

[snufkin]

I really want these spoilers:

++ Luke tried for a couple weeks to open the first Jedi Temple, got frustrated, and then spent the next 6 years hanging out in his bathrobe smoking weed, watching TV, and yelling at the Porgs to get off of his lawn.
++ Rey agrees to help Kylo try and get into the temple and it turns out to be like make or break IKEA shopping test every couple has to face in order to find out how strong their relationship is.
++ Kylo tries to seduce Rey to the Darkside by making her a mixtape, which obviously has to include at least one version of the Cure's "Boys Don't Cry"
++ Resistance plotline is done in the style of the Coen Brothers with Poe continually asking people if he can crash on their couch and fighting with Holdo because he doesn't want the Resistance to be a bunch of sell outs.

[IoJovi]

I really want these spoilers:

++ Luke tried for a couple weeks to open the first Jedi Temple, got frustrated, and then spent the next 6 years hanging out in his bathrobe smoking weed, watching TV, and yelling at the Porgs to get off of his lawn.
++ Rey agrees to help Kylo try and get into the temple and it turns out to be like make or break IKEA shopping test every couple has to face in order to find out how strong their relationship is.
++ Kylo tries to seduce Rey to the Darkside by making her a mixtape, which obviously has to include at least one version of the Cure's "Boys Don't Cry"
++ Resistance plotline is done in the style of the Coen Brothers with Poe continually asking people if he can crash on their couch and fighting with Holdo because he doesn't want the Resistance to be a bunch of sell outs.

@snufkin

I'm thinking mine will be along the lines of Finn's mechanical pelvis (FMP).  Everything else in that spoiler seemed normal and plausible EXCEPT that.  That's what made it so damned hilarious.  

When I learned that one was written by someone on our board, all I could yell was, "Well done, my friend!!!"  

I think for mine, I'll exchange FMP for Kylo Ren's mixtape for Rey.  It'll be complete with nearly illegible handwriting.

[Birdwoman]

@snufkin and @IoJovi,
You two are hysterical!!! I almost spit my salad out while reading your leaks.

[snufkin]

@snufkin and @IoJovi,
You two are hysterical!!! I almost spit my salad out while reading your leaks.

@Birdwoman

Glad we entertained you, just don't choke on your salad! Another one I'd love to see would be about Beer Can Chicken Monster on Ache-to.

[ReyofLightSide]

Going back to the spoiler of Rey's parents trading her for a ship- daaaaaamn that's harsh but it is to the point.

[Birdwoman]

That spoiler makes sense, it would tell us who left her on the planet and why without going into a lot of back story.  The back story could be explored in a book or comic.

[Night Huntress]

Going back to the spoiler of Rey's parents trading her for a ship- daaaaaamn that's harsh but it is to the point.

@ReyofLightSide

One of the few spoilers I could deal with... Don't know why- but I just don't want Rey's parents to be some "big deal" - not a Skywalker, Solo, Kenobi or whatever... her heritage shouldn't be important, it would just distract from core of her being. I like that she's "just a scavenger" who happens to be strong in the force- end of story

[ISeeAnIsland]

Going back to the spoiler of Rey's parents trading her for a ship- daaaaaamn that's harsh but it is to the point.

@ReyofLightSide

Right. And the interesting thing about that potential spoiler is that it opens up the possibility that her parents are still alive and that Rey will meet them at some point.

[SoloSideCousin]

Going back to the spoiler of Rey's parents trading her for a ship- daaaaaamn that's harsh but it is to the point.

@ReyofLightSide

Right. And the interesting thing about that potential spoiler is that it opens up the possibility that her parents are still alive and that Rey will meet them at some point.

@ISeeAnIsland

Oooh, good thought! That makes me want to play imaginary casting director for Rey's fishy "dumped you for a ship" parents for Episodes X through XII. Lol!

At least one needs a British accent, lol.

Also, imagine the fanfic possibilities of Rey and Kylo having to deal with her deadbeat parents on holidays and with grandchildren. I am suddenly getting visions of Rhys Bobby (Gary Cole) from Talladega Nights, all the way to Anjelica Huston in The Grifters.

[snufkin]

When I first saw TFA, my brain immediately went to the Dr Zhivago scenario (a movie GL shamelessly mined for the PT) that Rey was abandoned like Tanya, Lara and Zhivago's daughter. She's conceived while they're on the run together and when the two have to split up/are finally separated, she's eventually abandoned by one of the film's main villains - Rod Steiger's Komarovsky, who'd fit in with the ST universe. Obi-Wan himself, Sir Alec Guinness, shows up as her long-lost uncle to unravel the tale of her parent's doomed affair during the Revolution how she ended up as an orphan. How can I not get fixated on that as an explanation for what happened to her? Especially when JJ lifted Lawrence of Arabia references for the Jakku sequences and KK keeps talking about how Lean was somebody she was obsessed with as a film student?

Maybe she got bargained away to Plutt as an indentured servant. Hence being told to wait for somebody to return and free her. Except that either they never intended to return for her. Or something happened which prevented their return (which I'm still betting has to do with Snoke/the FO). It would make Plutt even more of a villain in going along with that type of bargain and then keeping her under his thumb by consistently underpaying her.

[Kylo Men]

Tick tock ... time is running out on those pruported social media teasers.

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